The First Post…

number-one-drawing-1

So, this is it. The first post. The pioneer. What to write? What to say?

Maybe a bit of history about myself and why / when I embarked on a journey of self discovery. A journey to find ‘truth’. A journey into the unknown. A journey into the deepest parts of my mind and my psyche. A journey to discover my mind’s eye. A journey into never never land.  A journey to change my life and that of those around me for the better.

It all started around the year 2012. I was depressed, anxious and my life was headed in no direction whatsoever. I was in an unhappy long term relationship that I felt trapped in because of the fear of what other people would say if I was to walk out. Get your head around that! In hindsight I should’ve finished that relationship many years previous but instead we decided to get married thinking it would fix all our problems. You guessed it, it didn’t! It just made things much harder to escape. At home I was jealous, had anger issues, hated the world and was very irritable – a true joy to be around! Out and about I was quite the opposite (with the occasional shout at someone… when they deserved it).  Of course I was unhappy. I was battling two personas – the person that I was and the person I wanted to be. The angel and the devil on my shoulders. The sinner and the saint. The good and the bad. The happy and the sad. The cool and the jealous. The hard worker and the lazy. The energetic and lethargic… You get what I mean.

I started reading a lot about the power of our mind, the power of brain waves, the power of medicine like ayahuasca, meditation and the benefits of practising it amongst many other things. After doing plenty of research I soon made my mind up that the mind is much more powerful than we make it out to be and that the mind and our thoughts have a huge part in creating our reality. Sounds crazy I know, but taking anti depressants sounds MUCH crazier to me. It’s simple – what you put out, you will receive. If you think negative things, you will attract negative. If you do things with bad intentions, bad intentions from others will find you. Our brains is like a magnet attracting everything we decide to let live in there. Yes, our brain is a muscle and has chemical processes but our mind and consciousness is much more powerful than that and with it we can alter the connections that are already made in the brain.

Not knowing where to start and having attempted meditation on my own, I soon found out that it’s called a discipline for a reason. If I wasn’t falling asleep almost every time, I’d be thinking of what I was going to have for dinner, or the guy that barged me on the train, or where I want to go on holiday in the summer, or how I can win that argument that ended the previous week. Bottom line is that it was impossible without some sort of guidance.

Someone I had met on a night out

 

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